This is what I do, don't try to understand how I do it; I don't really know either

Archive for October, 2012

The Death of Dreams

Prov 29:18 KJV Where there is no vision, the people perish…

I have heard that when people retire, if they have no plan or activities, often they die. I have wondered if it is just that they feel they have nothing more to live for.

Vision is one of my core values. It makes up who I am as a person. I love to dream and think about the future. I remember in 2008 I was 15 weeks pregnant and the midwife could not find a heartbeat. My baby had died. I think what most people who have never lost a baby don’t realize, is that it is not just the loss of the baby itself that is so painful, but the loss of all the hopes, dreams and plans for the future that you lose as well. Losing those are just as painful.

We all dream, at one time or another. I think it has been very rare that what I thought things would look like in the future actually turned out that way, but it has been the hope of those dreams that propels me forward and sometimes the future is better than I thought, sometimes not. It is still the possibility of what could be one day that puts one foot in front of the other to see what it will be.

Sometimes people ask me why I do so many things but there are two main reasons: the first is that I love so many different things that it’s hard not too, and the second is that not everything I work on goes well, and so if one area is at a stand still then likely another area is going well, which means I always have something to have vision for. I can re-focus on what is able to move forward and let the other things take some time to get through their obstacles or to lay them down. It’s ok when things end. It’s ok if not everything you work on succeeds (it won’t lets be real). Often something new can’t start unless something ends. Endings are not bad but they can be painful. They may just be the death of a dream.

Today one of my dreams is on life support. It may be revived and it may die. I have no control over the outcome at this point. I know what I would like it to be but I can only wait to see. Regardless of what happens with this dream I know I serve a God who has a hope and a future for me (Jeremiah 29:11).

He dreams for me…His dreams are better.

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