This is what I do, don't try to understand how I do it; I don't really know either

Archive for July, 2013

Fight For Me


I am not sure if observant Jews still today wear phylacteries, but I know they used to. They would walk around with sections of the Torah on their forehead. I don’t think we have to do this, but today a scripture impacted deep in heart heart that I wrote it on my hand so I could grab on to it whenever I needed throughout the day.

I am not sure if it is because I am human. I am not sure if it’s because I am a woman. I am not sure if it’s because I was teased in school. I am not sure if it’s because I grew up in a broken home and knew I had bigger, older brothers out there somewhere, but didn’t really know them. I am not sure if it is because I was victimized several times in my life – I don’t wear the label victim, but I don’t minimize what happened either.

I am not sure where it comes from, but I have always had this deep sense of wanting to be fought for.  People fight for things of value and worth; land, jewels, titles etc.

I am at a place where I know that I have value and worth simply because of who created me. I do fully accept this, but I still have this love to being fought for. When it doesn’t happen my heart aches.

My heart is aching, and today my reading came to Exodus 14:14. Please understand it is a pet peeve of mine that people take scripture that was given for a specific people, at a specific time and hold it as a personal promise, but that’s exactly what I am doing today. I will be first to call myself hypocrite, let’s move on.

God told Moses that He would fight for the Israelites and they just needed to be still. Being still is sooo not my forte but in this time right now, I think it’s exactly the thing He is telling me to do.

So when my heart gets anxious I grab on to the fact that He will fight for me. How do I know this to be true? Because He already did – more than anyone else ever can or will.

Thank you Jesus for the cross. You fought for me and won.


Look At Women

Just recently I read this blog by Travis Klassen. His viewpoint was not brand new to me, though it was not what I was taught growing up. The fact that it was coming from a man was new to me. The idea that a man’s lustful thoughts are the responsibility of the man, and not the women he is lusting after, is something that has come to make sense to me, but again was not how I was raised – by my parents or the church. Anytime a women has posted this viewpoint I feel like she is too often dismissed as looking for an excuse to dress “inappropriately.”

A few days after reading that blog, my devotions fell in Job – specifically Job 31. Verse 1 says, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” It really stuck me that Job said he would not look lustfully at a girl, he did NOT say he would not look at a girl.

We demean men into mindless animals when we except that they could not look at an attractive woman without being reduced to something with no self control and completely bound by a sexual instinct. Can a man look at a woman and lust – yes. Can a man look at a women and not lust – yes.

We tell men to avert their eyes from women so as to avoid lustful thoughts. But what if they learned to look at women and not lust? Are they going to be attracted to some women – yes, because God made us to find certain things attractive about others but that doesn’t mean it has to go further. By all means if you are looking at a women and find yourself having lustful issues and need to “bounce your eyes” please do so. I am a woman and I have done so. I have also been guilty of lusting at times. It all depends on the self control that I use or don’t use over my own thoughts. Where am I allowing them to go? Am I looking at this attractive man as someone God made that is appealing to me but I will only allow my thoughts to think on him as a brother or am I letting my thoughts go to places they should not? Why is the expectation different for men? I don’t believe it should be.

Men are strong – in body and in spirit. They are fully capable of viewing women – even scantily clad women as sisters. I know because I have brought men with me to porn shows with to hand out Bibles to porn stars. They tell them that Jesus loves them and they look them in the eye to show respect and that they are more, so much more than just a physical body. Why can’t we raise our young men to do this? Why can’t we instil in men that they are more than just lustful desires that are beyond their control?