This is what I do, don't try to understand how I do it; I don't really know either

Archive for November, 2013

Postcard Perfect Vacation…

My life has always had its ups and downs, twists and turns and unexpected surprises. My vacation was no different.

I had been dreaming of taking my kids to sunny California and making some great memories of smiling faces, meeting Mickey and serious family bonding time. I thought of all the wonderful happy pictures I would post on facebook that my friends could oh and ah over. I would beam with every “like.”

Nothing ever seems to go as I had planned. I question if there even exists a picture perfect vacation. I have serious doubts that I will ever get one if they do but I’m learning to be ok with that. I don’t think I would do perfect very well! Real life is messy. People make mistakes and they hurt each other. Rain happens, puke happens, pee’d beds happen and mom’s getting sick happen (just to name a few of the smaller difficulties).

Half way through our trip we hit a major wrinkle in terms of the unexpected and it threw me for a loop for most of the night and start of the next morning. I realized though, that the only thing I could control was my reaction. What happened had the potential to ruin the vacation entirely or I could suck it up, recalibrate and make the best of it.

I do not have the memories I had hoped for, but I do have memories of how we made the best of the situation we were in. Life is not fair. It is never going to be fair. If it were fair we would all be going to hell because that’s what we deserve.

I am not going to look at postcards anymore, nor desire to have those experiences. I want to view my life as an adventure. So much like a rollercoaster it’s not even funny, but as much as I HATE rollercoasters (except space mountain) I am learning to lean with the turns and roll with the ups and downs.

I thought about editing what pictures I posted or how I talked about my vacation but here’s what I am going to do. I am going to be real. I am going to be honest. The weather sucked, it was hard and I am sure I need antibiotics. But I will also be real about the good memories – my kids faces on their favorites rides and meeting their favorites characters. Playing on xbox with my son to get away from the rain at Legoland. My daughters getting flowers from the yellow night at Medieval times.

I know other people have had hard vacations too. Probably more than people that have had good ones.

We just need more real people and less postcards.


I Deserve Hell

It seems to be that very often I hear the phrase “You deserve it!” It is almost always in conjunction with some self gratifying decision, though at times it can be used with an accommodation by someone else to the individual.

For Example:

I: “Just booked a vacation to Hawaii!” A- “You deserve it”

I: “So grateful to everyone who voted me most popular person” A- “You deserve it”

I: “Bought myself those new boots I wanted” A- “You deserve it”

Lets just look at this from a Biblical standpoint:

Romans 3:23 says: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”

That means that everyone DESERVES hell. We deserve to be eternally separated from God – not new shoes, not a vacation, not awards and accolades. It is a serious pet peeve of mine to hear or see that phrase – you deserve it. My amazing friends who mean very well have all received the same response when they use that phrase with me. Yesterday when a dear friend said I deserved a bouquet of flowers I was given I replied, “I deserve hell but by the Grace of God I got flowers.”

I seriously believe this. We all deserve to go to hell because we can not measure up to the perfect holiness that is God and His standard. It is only through the grace and mercy, by the sacrifice of death, that Jesus Christ gave that I am able to have or be anything at all. It is ONLY through Him that I exist. It is only through Him that I have the gifts, talents and abilities to use on this earth. It is only through Him that I am able to be reconciled to God and live eternally in paradise.

I DON’T deserve anything I have, and I have a lot. I have 4 beautiful and amazing children. I have a home, a closet with ample clothes and a fridge filled with food (when I get to the grocery  store and back). I have family and friends. I have business and ministry, and much much more!!

I have the opportunity to love others on this earth as He has loved me. It’s sad how often I fail at this so badly.

Yes my friends I do deserve something and I have worked hard for it – I deserve hell,


By the Grace of God I am never going there.

Thank you Jesus. I am and will be eternally grateful to you.

To accept or defy my age

This November I will be 35. It seems to be that any birthday that ends in a 5 or 0 is a bit more significant, and increasingly so the higher they get. Like we really need to celebrate that your still here.

I am noticing a lot of changes in me.

In some instances, with the right setting, I will enjoy beets. I can now eat cottage cheese. Both of these were absolutely revolting to the sight or smell when I was younger and never, ever could conceive that there would come a time that I would voluntarily put them in my mouth, let alone enjoy them.

I have never been one too prone to dye my hair, unless it was purple, but there are more and more grey hairs growing from my head. I am calling them “natures highlights.” For the most part I leave them be, but in full disclosure, there are times when I yank one or two(or more),

I have come to really enjoy a good nap.

I can tell the difference between dollar store chocolate and good quality chocolate.

These are ways I feel I have embraced the clock that refuses to alter or slow, but there are ways I have decided to defy it in full out rebellion.

I wear skinny jeans.

I get on the field with Pro Football players.

I put on a helmet and stepped on a skateboard to encourage my kid.

I am going indoor go carting for my birthday.

I listen to top 40 music rather than stations that play music that “takes me back.”

I hang out with people younger than me, sometimes lots younger.

There is a saying about growing old gracefully and in some ways I do want to do that. I have never been shy about saying my true age or needing to disguise it by saying things like, “I have been 28 for 7 years now.”

But there is also this part of me that says, why do I have to accept the stereotypes of getting older and slowing down? I have never been one for stereotypes so really it’s no surprise here that I am rebelling against this one too.

I may be getting wiser though. I used to make a lot of decisions with my heart only and not my head. Don’t get me wrong I still usually leap before I look, but the leaps I take are more often being processed through both my head and my heart. It’s an important balance.

I want to be able to harness the wisdom that comes with experience while not losing the adventurousness that comes with youth.

I want to live everyday that I am alive. It’s just too short not to.