This is what I do, don't try to understand how I do it; I don't really know either

Archive for April, 2017

My Marriage Isn’t a Ship

There is, and has been,  a lot of dialogue about who is the “leader” of the home. I was raised with the stance that the man is the head. When I got married we had leaders around us who also asserted that view and to be honest it created a lot of confusion, frustration, stress, fights and hurt because we couldn’t figure out how to make that work. When we stopped worrying about who was leading, we found that we just naturally took on certain roles that we were each more skilled and gifted at. Most of these beautifully complimented each other. A friend of mine could not accept this and said, “But someone has to be the captain of the ship.” Well my friend, if my marriage was a ship – it sank!

I think this imagery is totally a wrong fit for my marriage. I believe that a more accurate depiction is a ‘Relay race’. When we got married we decided to enter this race together as a team. If one of us was the leader then that person would be incredibly tired because they would be doing all the running, or if there was an area that the other was better suited to lead there would be a fight over the baton. This actually happened for Rod and I a lot while we tried to figure out how to make our marriage work and conform to the images that others believed  it should be.

Because of a lot of different factors, we eventually quit the race. We both believed that the other did not want to run the race together anymore and we got divorced. We started our own races, which were still connected because of our kids, but they were our own separate races. This was a very hurtful process of learning and growth. Running a race that was intended to be run for two was very hard. Single parenting is exhausting and draining!

I’m not thankful of the way we had to learn things, but I am grateful for what we have learned. I have no doubt that Rod loves me and wants to run with me – even if I feel hurt or unloved, I know the truth without a shadow of a doubt and I believe he knows the same. We grew as people and have better character as a result of being apart. Our kids have learned that even the most broken and torn apart relationships can be restored and healed. Forgiveness is worth it, trust can be rebuilt.

So now we are on this race together and sometimes he runs ahead because I need him to, sometimes I do for him. Sometimes we run with the baton between us, but we are running the same race together and we won’t ever give up.


The Big Picture is a Target

I do a ridiculous amount of things, but I really love the things I do. There are so many things I don’t get to do that I would love to. Some days it can be overwhelming because at times they demand my attention all at once and, of course, urgently! Last week and this week have been weeks like that ,but in addition, many good things are happening. My kids are growing, my business is growing and more opportunities are possible. But, this adds a huge amount of responsibility, pressure and stress.

I find that when the responsibility, pressure and stress build, I lose sight of the bigger picture. The bigger picture is that God is not calling me to anything that He has not equipped me for. The bigger picture is that I can do all things through Him. When it builds, I feel like there are these arrows that are shot at the bigger picture – it thus becomes a target. They are the arrows of demands, insecurities, and barbs from others etc. They each, one at a time, start to obscure the picture and some cause more damage than others.

I start to feel like I am alone bearing all this responsibility. As the company grows, there are more and more people that depend on me for their livelihood. More and More students who need care. My own children who depend on me for everything – including their schooling. If they get a failing grade in school, it’s really because I haven’t done my job – not because they can’t learn.

I start to really self doubt. Who am I to think I could do one of these things let alone all these things? I look at all my areas of weakness that seem to stand out so much more than my skill. I start to think I should give up something, or all the things.

I think everyone has these times. I am thankful that they don’t seem to last long. I have learned how to handle them better. I take out each arrow; one at a time. I examine if there is any truth to it that I should learn from and throw away the rest. It still takes a while to work through it all and it’s a process. Sometimes as your taking some out, more come in. Like I said – it’s a process. But removing those arrows is critical to again regaining focus of the big picture and being able to once again stand and affirm who I am in Christ, what He has called me to and the fact that He is working in and through me to accomplish this work.

The bigger picture gets me out of bed each morning. The bigger picture inspires me. The bigger picture is my passion and worth all the effort and work. If your feeling overwhelmed, take some moments, step back and look at the bigger picture. If anything is obscuring it, then deal with that stuff and refocus. Sometimes other people can really help us to see obstructions that we can’t see and/or helps us to get rid of them.

Get your eyes back on the prize.

We can do this!