My Daughter (MD) : mom, what is that?
MD: yeah that
Me: Thats a scar
MD: from what?
Me: when I was a kid I rode my bike through gravel and it went out on me
MD: and you STILL have it!!!!!
Me: yes. Scars stay forever
MD: so my thorn scratches will stay forever?
Me: no, it has to be a really deep wound. They just become a part of you.
You don’t remember everything in your life. Scratches and bruises fade, but scars stay. They are part of my story. I’m not ashamed, I’m not embarrassed, I’m not hesitant to tell you my story. Meet me by the fire and let’s share stories because I know you have scars too. Scars are what we have in common and they build bridges if you let them.
Women are absolutely amazing, but also the worst when it comes to expectations. In our relationships (especially romantic ones but not just those) we expect other people to know how we want to be treated, what we want, and how to bring out the best in us. But people don’t work that way. We are all different and come from different experiences. We really want others to be mind readers and anticipate our needs. No one can live up to that.
We need to be teachers and students.
When someone doesn’t meet our expectations, take a look at how you could have communicated what you needed better. How can you teach them what you need?
When it comes to others, you have to be a student of them. Ask them what they need. Learn their nuances and what makes them unique.
This is a process but it’s worth it. How many relationships have ended because someone doesn’t feel loved, but the other person can make a long list of things they have done? All those things were good but they weren’t what that person needed. Your shooting for the target but totally missing the bullseye.
In relationships it’s like your shooting blindfolded, so you have to listen to the other person’s direction in order to hit that perfect spot. Your going to miss a ton so it’s helpful to at least acknowledge when the other person attempts. Be open to correction on your aim, don’t be discouraged, and don’t give up.
It’s not called target practice for no reason.
It’s your birthday today but your not here. I can’t believe how old you would be. I can’t even picture what you would look like but I know you would be beautiful because you always have been – because even though you were lovely on the outside, you were gorgeous on the inside.
I took 35 kids skiing today and it was a lot of work but a lot of fun. You would be so proud of what I do and how I get to speak into the lives of young people- just like you did for me.
Life hasn’t turned out how I hoped but there are so many good things. I just miss you especially for the difficult things because you were always there. You always encouraged me and believed I could go further than I thought I could. You saw things in me that I couldn’t see in myself. It’s taken me a long time and I still struggle, but I see them. I still doubt them often but I see them.
I don’t know where I would be without you for even the short time I had you. Where would I be if you were still here? I miss you every single day. Thank you for being you. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for the way you loved me.
I love you Susan, happy birthday.
All my love,
Your little sister.