This is what I do, don't try to understand how I do it; I don't really know either

Posts tagged ‘remember’

Gone for 20 years; never, ever forgotten

Different things are triggers for different people. I have been pretending I’m ok but i am deeply effected by memories and timing.

I don’t think there’s anyone in Canada who doesn’t know about the story of the family in Calgary who are suffering a tragic loss. So senseless and so deep. I can not express my deepest empathy into words for them.

20 years ago today my very close friend and her twin sons were murdered by their husband and father. The very man who vowed to protect them.

Every time I see the news and the faces of those grandparents and grandson I keep thinking, I know what that’s like for their family. I know how it feels to hold a photo in your hand of people you love and see their faces on tv. I know what it’s like to not be able to call anymore. To never hear their voices again. To watch every second of the news because that’s how you know what’s going on with the case. You don’t get privy to special information, you watch and wait like everyone else.

I also know what it’s like to live without them. To feel the emptiness when they are not there to celebrate major life events with you. To support each other in hard times and love you through your challenges, because it’s what she always did. To not know what the boys would grow to become.

I know that it’s been 20 years, 2 decades, and I haven’t forgotten a thing. Not anything I saw, not anything I felt and not anything that was said. The pain doesn’t end. It changes but it never ends with something so horrific. That’s just reality.

She left me with the best gift she ever could. I was being my usual challenging teenager self and we were disagreeing on something but she called me. She called me and said she just couldn’t leave it. She wanted me to know we would work it through and the very last words she ever spoke to me were “I love you”.

I will never forget. I have many photos, I still have her jeans and her perfume. I will always have them in my heart. One day I will get to heaven and they are waiting. That day the pain will end, not a moment sooner.

I know your kickin it with Jesus; Susan, Josiah and David. I miss you.

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