This is what I do, don't try to understand how I do it; I don't really know either

Posts tagged ‘sack of potatoes’

I’m afraid

I spent Christmas with my best friends, and it was amazing. I commented that I have been doing things that I never would have done before and I think that it’s part of a rebellious phase I am in, to which Alex replied that I am not in a phase at all – I have rebelled my whole life. He’s so right. That being said I am pushing my own limits.

Last weekend in Whistler I sled down the fastest, steepest and most technical track in the world – head first. It’s this crazy thing called the skeleton. Before my first run I tried not to think much about what I was doing. Then on the  run I just about peed myself. It started out slow and gentle but in seconds I was traveling at 94.8 kms per hour. In the orientation their safety tip was to “act like a sack of potatoes” – I am totally serious. Who says that?

I am going to admit tears escaped my eyes that were in addition to the ones produced by the 3g force of turn 16.  When it was over I had to sit down.  I was in shock. This was like a roller coaster on steroids and then some. I don’t like roller coasters.

You pay for two runs and the staff wondered if I would do my second. Everything in me said walk away (I was not capable of running), turn for your life and escape! And I said of course I am going to. I am sure my body face palmed on the inside. They asked if I liked it and I said no, they laughed.

I was terrified to do that again but I realized that given the current season of my life, I am not holding back for anyone. I make the decisions I want and it’s all up to me. The only thing holding me back is myself. It was exactly this situation here. I really didn’t think I was going to die, possibly get very hurt if I did something stupid but for all intensive purposes this was a calculated risk. The only reason I would have said no to the second run is fear. I just would not let fear win.

I have made, and stuck, to some of the hardest decisions of my life in this season. I will not let fear hold me back.

It doesn’t mean the fear leaves once I make the decision, it just means I don’t listen. The time I had to wait for my second run felt like an eternity. It was awful and I felt like I was waiting for the executioner. We had to change out my sled because it just didn’t feel right, which was probably more me than the sled. Then I started sliding down.

The second run was very different than the first. I knew I would pick up speed quickly and I was ready for it. I knew what the turns felt like. I left some of my fear on that track. I still had tears when I finished and I still had to sit down after the run – I don’t think my body likes g force. skeleton

That moment will encapsulate what I want for 2014. I’m going to be afraid. This is not going to be an easy time but I have proven to myself that I can, and will, still make the decision I need to in spite of my fear. It will not shackle me. Maybe from now on, every time I am afraid I will just keep repeating to myself “sack of potatoes.” The irony of it is that thinking of a life lived not limiting myself from fear makes me a bit afraid – what more crazy stuff can I get into now? #bringit

If you have read this far in this post here is some fun:

A helmet cam from the skelton track in whistler

My first run

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