Amanda Carrasco

Since my last post about my friend who committed suicide, there have been opportunities where people have shared with me their desire to commit suicide. This has been incredibly painful. I am so heartbroken to see so much pain. I am so incredibly grateful that I have had the opportunity to share their pain with them.

At thanksgiving someone posted on facebook about their belief that no one except essential services should have to work on thanksgiving. I made the comment that not everyone wants to be, or is able to be with their families so perhaps allowing them to work is actually a very good thing for them. Someone responded that it was sad that this is the case and I agree, but I commented that it is a reality. See I don’t think that this lady even thought about the fact that there are people who don’t have a white picket fence and a super loving, squishy family who gives hugs and kisses and affirms everyone. On the one hand, I’m glad that it means she has this – I wish more did. On the other hand, I wish she would pull her head out of her ass because its not that hard to see the pain in the world around us. I mean does this lady not own a TV or ever leave her home??

Christmas is usually a time of year that people have more initiative to look for those who are hurting and that’s great. Christmas, and everything that it is, can bring a lot of hurt.

I still stand by my pledge that I am someone who you can reach out to and tell me your honest feelings – especially about suicide and I will listen. I won’t judge or ask why or try and make a huge list of why you shouldn’t do it. I will just be here to hear you so your not alone. Here’s the catch that you need to know: I can’t keep you alive. I will do everything I can to support you but I can’t fix everything – or sometimes even anything.

When I taught my kids to ride a bike (and I still have one more yet to go), I helped them get on, I walked with them, I gave them just the right amount of forward motion, I helped them steer but in the end they had to peddle and they had to ride the bike. I can’t ride your bike for you. If you need help getting on, then I can do that. If you need help moving forward, I can help with that, and if you need help steering, I’ll do my best but sometimes I get lost too. The only thing I can promise is that you won’t be alone while your trying to figure things out and hopefully if we keep trying together – one day you will ride without my support and we get to ride alongside each other and have a great adventure.

I want you to LIVE