Amanda Carrasco

I felt very alone growing up. I didn’t have a really close friend until high school. There was no one to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams or fears with. I needed someone who could see my heart.

The relationship I yearned for is the relationship I see between Jesus and John. J. Philip Newell describes John as one who listened for the heartbeat of Jesus, and Jesus showed the secrets of his heart to John. They had a mutual indwelling: John 15:4 – Abide in me as I abide in you. John was the disciple whom Jesus loved, as he self described himself. Johns gospel is very, very clear about his relationship with Jesus and the intimate love he felt.

Newel uses a term, “Companion of my soul” as someone who has kissed you into greater wholeness in your life. Its like, “looking into one anothers heart to release depths that hitherto we have not known.” He says that “when you find someone who looks into your soul, it releases streams of yearning for life and creativity and peace”. Someone who looks into your soul hurts with you, they experience joy with you, they live life with you. They can be a friend, a mother, a brother, a grandfather or a lover.

I am so blessed, beyond blessed, to have as many companions of my soul that I do. As I mentioned, it wasn’t always this way. I know what it feels like to have no one to share your soul with, to bare your soul with. I also am very aware that not everyone has that either. Some don’t even have one companion to the soul and that is the feeling of sheer and utter aloneness, emptiness, unworthiness. I think the Goo Goo Dolls encapsulate this in their song.

“Iris”

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

We are yearning for someone to look into our heart, to know who we are, to be a companion to our soul.

What if the pain in the world comes from a lack of companions of the soul? What if that’s what we need to heal? This is not an easy solution because to find a companion, means you have to be one. You have to risk vulnerability and opening your heart to share what is there in order to have that connectedness. Too often people have taken that risk, been rejected and shut down. There is no other easier solution than to risk again. Find the right person and take the leap of faith. It’s worth it. My life is better because of these relationships. No amount of wealth could compare to the richness of having a companion of the soul.